Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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