i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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