u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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