i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
