So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
