Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
