no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
