you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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