some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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