Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
