The maid of honor just puked.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
