Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
