Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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