This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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