i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
