So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
