I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
