I don't think brook has ever known best
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
