the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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