she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
