I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
