did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
