A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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