ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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