before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
