You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
