you would pick up someone in the library
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
