New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
