All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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