I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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