i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
