i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
