I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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