Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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