Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
