oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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