He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
