Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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