I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This toilet bowl is my home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
