The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
