Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have fence marks all over my body
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
