$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
