I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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