through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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