If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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