Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
