He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
