I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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