Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
