Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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