drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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